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Hello, here you have some English jokes!!

Which is the longest English word? Smiles because there is a mile between the first and the last letter.

Why is the letter T like an island? Because it's in the middle of water.
 

A traveller caught in a storm at night sees a house, he knocks on the door and after a moment an old woman opens. "Can I stay for the night?" says the traveller. "Yes, but you will have to make your own bed" replies the woman. "Ok, no problem" says the man. "Right" says the old woman "here's a hammer and a saw"

Bill Gates goes to bed with Monica Lewinsky and, after making love, Bill tells Monica: Now I understand why they call you divine, because you are divine!!! Monica replies: And now I understand why they call you microsoft, because it's micro and it's soft!!

            Bill Gates

 

An English man is sitting on a chair at the beach, he is reading The Times. Then, another man goes into the water and after a moment he starts screaming: "I can't swim, I can't swim!!!" The English man continues reading the newspaper "I can't swim, I can't swim!!!!!!" screams the man in the water. The English man continues reading the newspaper."I can't swim, I can't swim!!!!!!!!" screams the other. The English man finally puts down The Times, stands up and says "Ok, man. You can't swim! and I can't ride a bicycle but I don't make so much noise about it!"
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Why is 2 x 10 the same as 2 x 11? Because 2 x 10 is twenty and 2 x 11 is twenty, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Q: Why is the number six afraid?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)

A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."
Student: I is the ...
Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

 

The doctor to the patient: "You are very sick."
The patient to the doctor: "Can I get a second opinion?"
The doctor again: "Yes, you are very ugly too."

 

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great. I never could before!

 

The patient says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."
The doctor says, "Take the spoon out of the cup before you drink."

 

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother. 

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